Credit: Photography Maghradze PH
Would you ask a journalist to write a screenplay? A house painter to paint a Picasso? If the answer is no, then why do friends insist on asking you to photograph their wedding just because you know your way around a camera?
I’m a portrait and travel photographer, and I’ve worked in photography for over a decade. I understand light, both natural and controlled, and in most environments I can make a decent picture or two.
Credit: Dan Ginn
I am not a wedding photographer…
Despite this, whenever friends get married, they invite me and then ask me to photograph it. As I approach my late 30s, more of my friends are getting married, and I’m being asked more and more – I decline every single time.
Not because I’m a bad friend, or because I’m offended that they want me to work for free, but because it would be the wrong decision for them.
Shooting Weddings
Wedding photography is a totally different beast compared to most other gigs. People are stressed, excited, nervous, drunk and unpredictable. It takes a certain temperament, and a certain kind of client management, to deal with all that and still get pictures people will cherish for the rest of their lives.
The technical and editing process is also a separate skill; you wouldn’t shoot and edit a bridal image the same way you would an independent boutique fashion shoot.
In short, I’d be a terrible wedding photographer and I’d disappoint my friends. But that’s not the only reason to turn down the request.
Say you are a wedding photographer, a very skilled one, like Them Frames writer Julia Gnatenko. That doesn’t mean you have to feel obliged to photograph a friend’s wedding.
Think about it. While your friends celebrate their big day, sit down and break bread together, and get a little loose at the party in the evening, you’re working.
Julia puts it well. “Being there as a photographer and being there as a guest are two completely different experiences,” she says. “If I’m working, I’m responsible for the entire day and can’t really switch off and enjoy the celebration with them.”
Credit: Julia Gnatenko
Your friends will also very likely want a friends’ rate, which means a heavy discount or no charge at all. Julia doesn’t think that’s fair: “I also don’t think friends should automatically expect the work to be free or heavily discounted, as it’s still a full professional service.”
Gently Decline
You may feel bad saying no, even if you don’t want to do it, but you shouldn’t. Julia’s advice is simply to be honest and say you’d love to celebrate with them “instead of spending their wedding behind my camera.” As she puts it, “You can say no warmly without feeling guilty about it.”
If you’re like me, to soften the blow you could recommend a photographer who would be better for the job, which saves them a time-consuming and stressful search. And if you’re experienced like Julia, you could also offer an engagement shoot or a set of prints as a gift.
If they’re upset, give them a week to process it. If they’re still upset after that, it’s a useful reminder that as you get older, a little friendship culling is no bad thing.
Of course, if you do want to do the job, do it. You may not be a sleep-deprived, cynical, nearly 40, grumpy sod like me.
But if you don’t want to, and you explain why, a real friend will have no issue with you turning it down, letting you enjoy what is truly a special occasion and celebration of love.
More reading: I’m a Pro Portrait Photographer: Here’s What I Wish I Knew When Starting Out
